the gospel for the gentile

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person–though perhaps for a good person one would dare to even die–but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.

Romans 5:6-9

 

So thankful for the gospel when it is a balm to my proud & righteous heart, when I forget that “Christian living” does not equal “moral living”. Ironically, the truth is the opposite, because the only reason I need to be saved is because I do so much wrong, yet God shows grace and mercy to ME on behalf of Christ’s death, who died for lowly sinners. That is love. And that is something I need to remember so much more often.

trust

I am trusting God’s sovereignty and orchestration of life over anything I think is better for His ways are so much better. I trust Him, because His promises through the gospel is my only sense of hope in this life. I trust Him because He loves me. And thank God, because I can’t imagine placing hope in anything in this life, because nothing else lasts and because nothing else is perfect.

I am far from perfect, yet there is hope for me. That is grace.

busyness in a nutshell

Where did July come from? Where did the entire month of June go?

When did pride & high expectations & a sense of entitlement seep back so strongly in my life?

I talk/ed about receiving a lot better than I deserve, but is that what I truly believe when I’ve been fighting so hard for more than just that?

in grace.

‘Grow in grace’-not in one grace only, but in all grace. Grow in that root-grace, faith. Believe the promises more firmly than you have done. Let faith increase in fullness, constancy, simplicity. Grow also in love. Ask that your love may become extended, more intense, more practical, influencing every thought, word, and deed. Grow likewise in humility. Seek to lie very low, and know more of your own nothingness. As you grow downward in humility, seek also to grow upward-having nearer approaches to God in prayer and more intimate fellowship with Jesus. May God the Holy Spirit enable you to ‘grow in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour.’

-Charles Spurgeon

the end and means

I’m currently going through membership at my (relatively) new church GBF. It’s been a good experience getting to know the elders and to learn about their doctrine. As the process went on, basically in each stage I was asked to share my testimony of how I became a Christian. If you’d heard it before, you’d know that mine basically dealt with how I thought I was a Christian until my third year of college, where God convicted me of what I claimed to be. What I said I believed was inconsistent with my life.

At this point, roughly two years after I was saved, I wonder what has changed. My worldview and overall knowledge has changed, but sometimes I wonder if my life proclaims Christ. If a stranger looked at my life from the outside, would they know it’s different? Would they be able to tell?

on hospitality, reconciliation, & random.

a couple of weeks ago, stacey from GBF graciously opened her home and cooked us an amazing french meal (from julia child’s mastering the art of french cooking, no less). beef bourguignon, garlic mashed potatoes, and butter blanched green beans (of course, there were french names to all these, and i’m an american butchering them). it looked like this:

stacey's amazing meal, taken by estella

and yes, it tasted as amazing as it looks. this, coupled with the beautiful townhouse she and her roommates shared, just really brought back the desire to show biblical hospitality in the (near?) future. to be able to invite people over, cook for them, and show love in this manner. of course, i am far, far from reaching this point, but it reminded me of WHY i want to work on these things.

similarly, i’m trying to figure out if this overcomes my former desire of obtaining a higher degree, one that allows me a comfortable lifestyle and wins people’s approval (specifically my parents). these doubts always bubble back up when i have dinner with my parents and their friends’ families. all my former passion and desires re-bubble up when i see the success and pride, and i covet it yet again. but when i take a step back, what does that all mean in the big picture? so what if they’re a doctor, 30, enjoying the single life, make lots and spend frivolously? is that what i truly want to place my hope in? i was dismayed when i found that i wasn’t quite over this, and was in fact “backsliding” on what i thought i’d learned previously. a reminder that i will never fully be “done” with anything, that my worldview constantly needs shaping. that i should always place my thoughts and hope on Christ, and remember that the Holy Spirit is and needs to continually work in me.

additionally, i (re-)discovered today that reconciliation is so sweet. soooo sweet. reconciliation for me previously was to just to save as much dignity and pride as possible and “ok, ok, say whatever you want. as long as we don’t have to deal with it anymore,” and ended with a sweep under the rug and a chip on my shoulder. but now thanks to grace given through the gospel, it’s learning how to bend my knee in humility, admit where i’m wrong (always a log in my eye), gently correct where necessary, and to come out of it having learned something and improving on the relationship. i am so thankful. (and yes, the peacemaker’s pledge works.)